Disability Dating
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Smart Tips To Master Dating With A Disability
Just because you have a disability, doesn’t mean your relationship has to have one too, so if you want to master dating with a disability, there are a few things you should know.
Believe it or not, you can successfully have a relationship with you are disabled and your partner is not, and just like most things in life, it all comes down to compromise. When it comes down to it though, you’ll be amazed at how little things need to change when it comes to your love life.
If you are disabled, looking for love in a world of ‘regular’ abled people, there are a few things you’ll need to know. One thing in particular is the amount of times you will get asked a very simple question – “Can you still have sex?”
It doesn’t matter what your disability is, to a certain degree, you will always be able to have sex. A friend of mine was once asked if his penis still worked because he had been amputated from the knee down on both limbs. He walked away from that girl, and although we all laugh about it with him now, at the time, we didn’t blame him.
People come across as rude when they have awkward questions in the disabled dating world, and the earlier you learn to take the rude comments and questions on the chin, not letting them bug you or get you down, the better. Take it with a pinch of salt, and learn to laugh off the uncomfortable moments, and your dating life will get a whole load better for it.
At the same time, don’t disregard people too soon, One friend of ours, Samantha, once ditched a guy because he was too nervous about taking her to bed. She has spina bifida, and at times, it really wasn’t nice for her. It was more an awkward, ‘I don’t know how to ask this question” at the time for him, but for her, after a bad week with three bad blind dates, she’d had enough and snapped. Throwing her water at him, she rolled her way out of that bar in her wheelchair, and refused to call him back for two weeks.
She forgave him, of course, and they have since gotten married but it just goes to show – don’t take offence right off the bat as sometimes, it’s just a misunderstanding.
You will need to remember to take your time with disabled dating, and remember that you are going to need to adjust to this new person in your life, as well as them accommodating you too. It may take a little longer for them, bearing in mind your disability and all, but with a bit of patience and a positive attitude, you could be well on your way to finding love in no time at all. Not so difficult to master dating with a disability!
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Greatest Challenges of Disability Dating
One of the greatest challenges that you will face when dating as a disabled person is the confusion and misconceptions surrounding the topic of disability dating as a whole. Its crazy; the bizarre myths that people will believe and even spread, and just as most things in life, when people don’t understand something, they’ll just make up fluff to fill in the gaps.
That is exactly what has happened with the world of disability dating; a strangely bizarre taboo (still) in a world where we are all meant to be so sexually ‘free’.
Every part of the dating experience, especially with internet dating, has so many questions attached to it, that it can be hard to know where to find all the answers. For example, how open are you meant to be about your disability? Should you mention it in your profile? Is it that much of a big deal? Do people even care about it?
Whether or not you disclose details of your disability when looking at internet dating is completely down to you, and is a decision only you can make. However, if it has an impact on your life, and changes the way you do or feel about certain things, it is going to have an impact on any potential suitors that come along, and it will change the way they do or feel about certain things too.
If you have a missing limb, for example, or rely on a wheelchair or a walking stick to get around, you are not going to be able to go rock-climbing on your first date, and paint-balling probably won’t be a great idea either. You will need to be realistic about your dating life now, and that’s something very difficult to come to terms with if the disability itself is a relatively new one. It’s difficult to go from having two arms, to only having one after a car crash (like Sam, 28 from Kent), and it would be foolish to think that kind of thing wouldn’t have an impact on your dating life.
If you’re not quite brave enough to physically type the words into that little ‘About Me’ box, take a slightly more subtle approach. If you use a wheelchair sometimes, for example, include a picture of you in the wheelchair in the ‘Images’ section of your profile. This at least gives potential dates the chance to have a conversation with you about it, and also gives them a slight indication of what news could come. Of course disabled dating is going to have some challenges. It wouldn’t be classed as a disability otherwise, would it?
If you do manage to get over your fears and throw yourself to the little fish in the big disabled dating pond, there are more challenges to come, but these would be the same with any dating situation. That hot guy might not like you face to face, and you aren’t really sure if that one you were talking to last night is as good-looking or as funny as you first thought he was anyway…
Sadly, that’s dating life in general, not just disabled dating life! If you fancy a shot, why not check out Disabled Dating Review which has reviews on all the best disability dating websites. Our personal favourite is Disabled Dating Club, which has been around for years.
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Avoid The Top 4 Disabled Dating Agency Mistakes
When you click on the ‘Register Now’ button on that disabled dating website, doesn’t your heart start to race? Perhaps your hands get clammy? Maybe you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing? It’s been a while since you last dipped your toes into the dating pond, and you’re not even sure you know how to do it anymore.
Guys, there’s no need to panic. Whether you’re using a disabled dating agency style website, like Disability Dating Club or a regular-style dating site online, there are a few mistakes that many people commonly make, and with a bit of help and advice, you can make sure you avoid them!
With the right bit of guidance, you could be well on your way to SUCCESSFUL disabled dating in no time at all!
Negativity – It’s a bad thing. If you are a negative person, in a negative mood, with a negative outlook on life, how are you meant to find love? Even the hottest, funniest, most-abled, talented person in the world would have a hard time finding love if they were negative 24/7.
Being disabled does pose challenges from time to time, but it doesn’t necessarily need to define you as a person, and it doesn’t mean that you should let it interfere with your love life. If you feel negative about your disability, or having a hard time believing that someone could fall for you without you being able to do all the things that most other people can do, it’s not online dating you need, it’s a counsellor.
You need to work out how to make yourself relatively happy before you can expect someone else to be happy with you. You can rely on someone else to boost your mood either. That’s the wrong reason to try disabled dating.
B-O-R-I-N-G – Just because you are disabled, doesn’t mean you need to be boring. So what if you can’t go rock-climbing on your first date. You can go to the zoo and let’s face it, who doesn’t love the zoo? Your disability may mean you need to change things sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you need to live a boring life. No one wants a boring partner, do they?
Ex-Bashing – If you’re still hung up on your ex, cautiously trying to move on but not really wanting to, talking about her at every possible opportunity, you’re not going to get that second-date call back. You’re lucky you even got to the first date in the first place.
So what, you’ve been hurt. Haven’t we all?
No Confidence – We know that being differently-abled makes it hard sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a gorgeous, smart, funny, amazing person. Nothing turns a girl off more than a man that has ZERO confidence, so it might be time to start looking at your image, and how you can change it to make you feel better about yourself, before you think about taking snaps for your disabled dating internet dating profile.
Above all of these tips, you should always be yourself. Oh, and try to remember to have fun too. What’s the point in looking for love if you can’t have a bit of fun along the way? The whole thing is meant to be fun…. Right?
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5 Helpful Tips For Disabled Dating
Do you need a hand in the disabled dating world? Are you signed up to a couple of internet dating websites but don’t seem to be having much luck? Maybe you are going on plenty of first dates, but don’t seem to be getting that all-important second-date callback? Whatever the problem, don’t despair. Help is at hand.
Here are 5 helpful tips for disabled dating:
1 – Don’t make your relationship all about your disability.
The barriers of internet dating far outweigh the barriers that will face people in the ‘regular’ dating community. There are things you can’t do, places you can’t go, interests you can’t explore…
There are already limitations put on your relationships because of your disability, so why would you highlight them even further and make your disability the one thing that governs your entire dating life, or future relationships?
Come to terms with your disability, learn how to live with it, and then look at how you can fit your disability in around your dating, not the other way around.
2 – Ensure you can laugh at yourself.
Being ‘different’ from other people is hard work sometimes, but the one thing that will always see you through is a jolly good sense of humour. You are going to have bad dates, but that’s because you’re dating, not because you are disabled.
Sadly, that’s just part of dating life – sometimes you need to take the rough with the smooth, and learn to laugh at those men and women that you can’t believe you just wasted a couple of hours on.
3 – Don’t take things too seriously.
So what if you don’t find love right away, you might make some really good friends out of it, and when you think about it, you’re still adding to your network, giving you more and more chances to meet that special someone.
Go on dates with men you wouldn’t normally go on dates with, and try a new dating approach entirely. Sometimes it pays to think outside the box, and if things haven’t been going well for you with your regular dating approach, perhaps it’s about time to looked at things a little differently?
4 – Be upfront about your disability.
It’s always tough to be upfront about the thing that makes you ‘differently-abled’ to other people, and you must be careful that you don’t attract any unwanted attraction (for example, a disability fetish!). However, you’ll often find that being open and honest about your disability will weed out the time-wasters straight away. Those that will read your profile will either choose to continue reading after they have found out about your disability, or they won’t.
Either way, you won’t know, and it won’t bother you.
5 – Don’t be afraid to use ‘regular’ dating sites.
Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you can’t find love on a regular dating site, such as the one all your friends are using. Just be open and honest about your disability, and the same rules apply. People will either like you enough to carry on reading, or they won’t. However, all things considered, you may well have more dating success on a disabled dating sites like Amputee Dating Club which has been around for years and has loads of members.
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3 Best Practices For Disability Dating
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3 Best Practices For Disability Dating
If you’re delving into dating for the first time after becoming disabled, or you just haven’t been single in a long time and aren’t sure how to do things anymore, don’t worry. You won’t be destined to spend your life single and alone. You won’t be on the shelf getting dusty forever. You just need to take a minute, breathe, and then make a plan.
One of the best practices for any dating, not just disability dating, is to work out what you want and what you are looking for before you even begin to think about signing up to any internet dating websites.
Are you looking for love? What kind of love? A few-months? Or a lifetime? Do you want a one-night stand, or are you genuinely on the hunt for someone to marry, settle down with, and have kids with, hopefully to carry on happily ever after?
It’s not fair for you to sign up without any clue what you are looking for because not only will you be wasting your own time, you’ll be wasting the time of any dates you get talking to. What’s the point in going after the one-night-stand guy, if you’re looking for someone to fall in love with, and have never particularly enjoyed casual sex anyway? Think about it. Be realistic.
Second best practice for disability dating – just be open about your disability. Sometimes it will get embarrassing, and occasionally, you won’t be able to do things that other couples can do, but that’s just fine. Laugh it off. Develop a sense of humour about your love life as you do about anything else in life, and become a better person because of it.
Negativity isn’t sexy. Neither is wallowing in self pity.
The third and final best practice for disability dating – don’t be an idiot. Don’t think that you deserve better (or worse) treatment just because you are differently-abled, and don’t expect your date to be a mind-reader either. That hot guy that you met last night may have stumbled over his words and said some really stupid things about the fact you were in a wheelchair, or stumbled with your walking stick and bumped into another table, but he’s not necessarily a jerk. He could just be intrigued. Don’t jump to the wrong conclusions – wouldn’t you rather he talked about it and asked questions (regardless of how stupid or inappropriate) than disregarded you entirely just because of it?
If you have things that need to be said, or you don’t like what he just asked you, be open about it. You’ll be amazed at how much of a powerful aphrodisiac real honesty is, and although there are likely to be some bumps in this disability dating road, at least what you’ll have, even if it is just friendship, will be based on honesty and truth rather than something faked or covered up.
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Dating Tips For Disabled Demystified
