Are you sick of seemingly being on the bottom of the dating pile amongst your friends and work colleagues, still single after years of trying to find the perfect match, while everyone gets coupled off, married, and then have a couple of babies?
You don’t really know where you’re going wrong. You’re not bad-looking, and you think you’re pretty funny. All of your friends tell you you’re funny all the time, anyway. You have a good job, no too-weird habits, and you have a lot to offer a guy. You just don’t seem to have much luck meeting them, and when you do meet them, they are instantly put off by the fact that you are deaf.
Being a single, dating a disabled girl is definitely hard work, especially when the disability is something as intense as losing your sense of sound, or sight!
Communication is vital in a relationship, and most men have the common misconception that dating a deaf, or otherwise disabled woman, is too much hard work to handle. Admittedly, there are certain restrictions and changes that will need to be made to accommodate the disability, but it isn’t the be-all and end-all of your life…
That’s the thing most people have trouble understanding.
It’s hard to see beyond the wheelchair when you don’t know the guy sitting in it, and it’s hard to look past the hearing aid when the girl is so intently lip-reading you, you can’t work out whether she’s happy or sad. Plus, you have a habit of looking away when you talk to girls…. That makes dating a deaf girl almost impossible!
One of the very first things that you need to be able to do in order to be successful with dating disabled sites is learn to get on with life, almost as if your disability doesn’t exist. When you are happy and competent, happy with your own skills and loving life, people will be attracted to you, and when they are attracted to your positive outlook, they will want to talk to you. When they talk to you, they’ll get to know you a little better, and when this happens, love can flourish.
Sadly, the dating world is a very shallow one, as much as you would like to think nobody even notices your disability anymore, the people that don’t know you, will.
It’s how you deal with things that will make you look more appealing to the opposite sex, and if you laugh difficult and awkward situations off, a potential new mate won’t be able to help but fall in love with your personality. After all, isn’t that what really matters?
In order to be successful with deaf dating or disabled dating, you need to be happy with yourself. You need to know and appreciate your own limitations but at the same time, never stop trying to better yourself. With a positive outlook for life, people will want to be a part of yours!
Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean that dating isn’t for you. A lot of people find it very difficult come to terms with a sudden disability, and for those that have had theirs since birth, it’s still no easier when it comes to finding a potential new mate. Let’s be honest about this – dating was hard enough to begin with, without throwing in something that adds MORE challenges!
The good news is that there are some GREAT disabled dating websites out there, and when you sign up to one of these, you are getting the ‘surprise’ element of your disability out the way. You have the chance to meet someone with the same outlook on life as you do, with the same or similar restrictions as you do because of their own disability. When you sign up to a disabled dating website, its pretty clear what you’re going to be getting, so there are no nasty surprises.
There are a couple of things that may sway your thoughts when it comes to finding the right sites for you. Do you want to pay for the site, for example? You can get plain and simple dating sites designed for differently-abled people, and they work in exactly the same way as other ‘regular’ dating sites.
There are many of these free sites out there, but there’s always the risk of bonkers people messaging you out the blue, either with a fetish for disabled dating, or just someone so weird, you couldn’t face meeting them. There is also a higher chance of getting scammed on these freebie sites, so you must ensure you are protecting yourself and your personal details as much as possible.
There are some more in-depth disabled dating sites out there; ones that offer agency-style services where you meet up with the organisation, and are matched up with potential partners based on what a REAL person thinks, rather than what a computer puts together. With such a delicate subject as disabled dating, sometimes that little personal touch can make all the difference.
You’re going to want to make sure that you use a website that is legitimate, and one that keeps your details safe. Always make sure you do some research of your own before signing up to any website, and see what other people have said about it before you join. Most online dating sites, disabled or otherwise, have online reviews somewhere so simply Googling the name of the site followed by the word ‘review’ is enough to give you a lot of the information you need to know. Or better still, check out this wonderful disabled dating reviews web site that we found called Disabled Dating Review.
Some disabled dating websites give you more options than others, with the chance to play games online, video chat, send gifts (virtual or otherwise) and more. If you’re looking for a website that will do the job of many, these with their relatively inexpensive membership fees aren’t a bad idea. When you have the option of playing games, not everything is about talking, and it gives the perfect chance to check out how competitive you both are!
If you are looking for niche disabled dating like for deaf dating or wheelchair dating, we recommend Deaf Dating Club and Wheelchair Dating Club. They have been around for many, many years and are well established.
One of the greatest challenges that you will face when dating as a disabled person is the confusion and misconceptions surrounding the topic of disability dating as a whole. Its crazy; the bizarre myths that people will believe and even spread, and just as most things in life, when people don’t understand something, they’ll just make up fluff to fill in the gaps.
That is exactly what has happened with the world of disability dating; a strangely bizarre taboo (still) in a world where we are all meant to be so sexually ‘free’.
Every part of the dating experience, especially with internet dating, has so many questions attached to it, that it can be hard to know where to find all the answers. For example, how open are you meant to be about your disability? Should you mention it in your profile? Is it that much of a big deal? Do people even care about it?
Whether or not you disclose details of your disability when looking at internet dating is completely down to you, and is a decision only you can make. However, if it has an impact on your life, and changes the way you do or feel about certain things, it is going to have an impact on any potential suitors that come along, and it will change the way they do or feel about certain things too.
If you have a missing limb, for example, or rely on a wheelchair or a walking stick to get around, you are not going to be able to go rock-climbing on your first date, and paint-balling probably won’t be a great idea either. You will need to be realistic about your dating life now, and that’s something very difficult to come to terms with if the disability itself is a relatively new one. It’s difficult to go from having two arms, to only having one after a car crash (like Sam, 28 from Kent), and it would be foolish to think that kind of thing wouldn’t have an impact on your dating life.
If you’re not quite brave enough to physically type the words into that little ‘About Me’ box, take a slightly more subtle approach. If you use a wheelchair sometimes, for example, include a picture of you in the wheelchair in the ‘Images’ section of your profile. This at least gives potential dates the chance to have a conversation with you about it, and also gives them a slight indication of what news could come. Of course disabled dating is going to have some challenges. It wouldn’t be classed as a disability otherwise, would it?
If you do manage to get over your fears and throw yourself to the little fish in the big disabled dating pond, there are more challenges to come, but these would be the same with any dating situation. That hot guy might not like you face to face, and you aren’t really sure if that one you were talking to last night is as good-looking or as funny as you first thought he was anyway…
Sadly, that’s dating life in general, not just disabled dating life! If you fancy a shot, why not check out Disabled Dating Review which has reviews on all the best disability dating websites. Our personal favourite is Disabled Dating Club, which has been around for years.
As a group of friends, all with a disability, all looking for love, we’ve heard pretty much every question you can think of when it comes to dating a disabled person, and we thought it might be really handy to list them all down to give some of you a helping hand.
Some of these questions are pretty cringe-evoking, so may we suggest not asking these out loud to prevent causing offence?
Andrew was asked this question from a girl he was on a second date with – “Are you still able to have sex?”
He had multiple sclerosis and occasionally needed to rely on a wheelchair but as far as his manhood was concerned, everything worked pretty well, and he’d had no complaints up until that point. You’d be amazed at how many times that question comes up, and although occasionally the answer will be “no”, more often than not, the question just causes offence. Wait for your date to bring up any problems, it’s not down to you to bring it up.
Kate was asked this question, just as she was getting ready to go on her first date with a man her best friend had set her up with. He sent her this via text – “Doesn’t it annoy you that you can’t do what your partner is up to all the time, if you date someone that isn’t disabled?”
Her answer to this was: “No, not until an idiot like you brings it up!”
In her eyes, she was just as able to do everything a potential partner could do, despite her restriction of being blind. She had been blind for her entire life, and had learned to live with it in the best way that she could. An active girl, she always had a boyfriend on the go, and for someone to turn around and ask her whether or not she basically felt inadequate because of her disability really ruined her day. She didn’t date for a whole month after that, just out of protest!
Being really condescending to a disabled person about their disability is something your mother should have taught you is very rude. There is no need for it, and what makes it worse is the fact this guy actually assumed she had more limitations with regards to her disability than she let herself have. Kate had never let being blind getting in the way of her life, love life or otherwise, and for a man to suggest just that really got to her.
It should teach you a very vital lesson – don’t assume that someone that is disabled can’t do things, and never, ever patronise or condescend them. They are used to getting ‘grief’ because of their disability, and they’ll likely have a killer comeback that’ll leave you looking foolish.
In short, the best way to master dating a disabled person is to open your mind. Not every disability means that restrictions will be made on your relationship or your love life, and dating a disabled person is no different from dating a regular-abled person. Some of your dates may change, but that’s about it!
Just because you have a disability, doesn’t mean your relationship has to have one too, so if you want to master dating with a disability, there are a few things you should know.
Believe it or not, you can successfully have a relationship with you are disabled and your partner is not, and just like most things in life, it all comes down to compromise. When it comes down to it though, you’ll be amazed at how little things need to change when it comes to your love life.
If you are disabled, looking for love in a world of ‘regular’ abled people, there are a few things you’ll need to know. One thing in particular is the amount of times you will get asked a very simple question – “Can you still have sex?”
It doesn’t matter what your disability is, to a certain degree, you will always be able to have sex. A friend of mine was once asked if his penis still worked because he had been amputated from the knee down on both limbs. He walked away from that girl, and although we all laugh about it with him now, at the time, we didn’t blame him.
People come across as rude when they have awkward questions in the disabled dating world, and the earlier you learn to take the rude comments and questions on the chin, not letting them bug you or get you down, the better. Take it with a pinch of salt, and learn to laugh off the uncomfortable moments, and your dating life will get a whole load better for it.
At the same time, don’t disregard people too soon, One friend of ours, Samantha, once ditched a guy because he was too nervous about taking her to bed. She has spina bifida, and at times, it really wasn’t nice for her. It was more an awkward, ‘I don’t know how to ask this question” at the time for him, but for her, after a bad week with three bad blind dates, she’d had enough and snapped. Throwing her water at him, she rolled her way out of that bar in her wheelchair, and refused to call him back for two weeks.
She forgave him, of course, and they have since gotten married but it just goes to show – don’t take offence right off the bat as sometimes, it’s just a misunderstanding.
You will need to remember to take your time with disabled dating, and remember that you are going to need to adjust to this new person in your life, as well as them accommodating you too. It may take a little longer for them, bearing in mind your disability and all, but with a bit of patience and a positive attitude, you could be well on your way to finding love in no time at all. Not so difficult to master dating with a disability!
Smart, slightly sexy outfit – check.
Hair done, with a fresh blow-dry – check.
Makeup done, a little extra eye-liner added for good measure – check.
You’re ready for your exciting first date with a new HOT guy, and you’re about to head out the door. Something stops you in your tracks. You’re not sure you want to do this. You’re not sure how he will take you. Will he like you? Will he like your outfit? Do your shoes go with your wheelchair….?
Dating as a disabled woman is hard work, there is no denying that. With every blind date you set out on, every friend-of-a-friend that you meet up with, you have that bombshell to deal with every time…
“Oh, Kat didn’t tell you I was disabled? Well, I am. I have multiple sclerosis, and occasionally I need to use a wheelchair.”
It’s so awkward, isn’t it? Plus your friends don’t make life any easier, do they? They couldn’t have just told this guy he was heading out to indulge in a spot of disabled dating? Really?
If you’ve ever fallen victim to this bad blind-date set up, don’t worry. Check out these dating tips for disabled demystified!
If you’re being set up on a blind-date, ask for his number, or at least request that he be given yours to arrange the date. At least then you can subtly drop into conversation “The restaurant will need to be somewhere wheelchair-friendly in case I’m having a bad day” so that you can gauge whether or not he knows yet.
Some men can find a disabled woman an intimidating creature, mostly because they aren’t really sure how to deal with it. They either don’t know, or aren’t sure, and rather than ask (and risk making themselves look stupid), they’d just look the other way and hope that that moment slips away unnoticed. If they look uncomfortable, crack a joke. It gets me out of every dodgy situation every time.
I once asked one guy why he ‘didn’t feel he could date a disabled woman’, those were his words by the way, and he responded that he felt I would be too much hard work. He originally tried to blow me off with the sentence “I don’t know if I’m the right guy to take care you” and it made me feel more than a little patronised, if I’m honest. I asked what the real reason was and after a bit of squirming, he finally came out and said it. I’m glad he did, as it made me appreciate something – I would rather be told the truth, as harsh as it would be to hear, than chase after something I thought was real, and wasn’t.
When a guy feels uncomfortable around me now on a first (or subsequent) date, I simply ask him what he’s thinking, or I tell him what I’m thinking instead. Honesty is very refreshing, and after years of being told there was ‘Nothing wrong’ (stupid ex), I realised that time-wasters are simply people I would have zero interest in.
If you are looking for a great disabled dating web site that caters for the UK and Europe, check out DisabledDatingClub.eu. It might not look like much, but it has LOADS of wonderful members.
Get your honesty card out the way, and you’re offering a nice guy a get-out clause if he needs to take it. He might like you, but some people don’t have the capacity to deal with a disability. Wouldn’t you rather he just walked away now?
When you click on the ‘Register Now’ button on that disabled dating website, doesn’t your heart start to race? Perhaps your hands get clammy? Maybe you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing? It’s been a while since you last dipped your toes into the dating pond, and you’re not even sure you know how to do it anymore.
Guys, there’s no need to panic. Whether you’re using a disabled dating agency style website, like Disability Dating Club or a regular-style dating site online, there are a few mistakes that many people commonly make, and with a bit of help and advice, you can make sure you avoid them!
With the right bit of guidance, you could be well on your way to SUCCESSFUL disabled dating in no time at all!
Negativity – It’s a bad thing. If you are a negative person, in a negative mood, with a negative outlook on life, how are you meant to find love? Even the hottest, funniest, most-abled, talented person in the world would have a hard time finding love if they were negative 24/7.
Being disabled does pose challenges from time to time, but it doesn’t necessarily need to define you as a person, and it doesn’t mean that you should let it interfere with your love life. If you feel negative about your disability, or having a hard time believing that someone could fall for you without you being able to do all the things that most other people can do, it’s not online dating you need, it’s a counsellor.
You need to work out how to make yourself relatively happy before you can expect someone else to be happy with you. You can rely on someone else to boost your mood either. That’s the wrong reason to try disabled dating.
B-O-R-I-N-G – Just because you are disabled, doesn’t mean you need to be boring. So what if you can’t go rock-climbing on your first date. You can go to the zoo and let’s face it, who doesn’t love the zoo? Your disability may mean you need to change things sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you need to live a boring life. No one wants a boring partner, do they?
Ex-Bashing – If you’re still hung up on your ex, cautiously trying to move on but not really wanting to, talking about her at every possible opportunity, you’re not going to get that second-date call back. You’re lucky you even got to the first date in the first place.
So what, you’ve been hurt. Haven’t we all?
No Confidence – We know that being differently-abled makes it hard sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a gorgeous, smart, funny, amazing person. Nothing turns a girl off more than a man that has ZERO confidence, so it might be time to start looking at your image, and how you can change it to make you feel better about yourself, before you think about taking snaps for your disabled dating internet dating profile.
Above all of these tips, you should always be yourself. Oh, and try to remember to have fun too. What’s the point in looking for love if you can’t have a bit of fun along the way? The whole thing is meant to be fun…. Right?
Do you need a hand in the disabled dating world? Are you signed up to a couple of internet dating websites but don’t seem to be having much luck? Maybe you are going on plenty of first dates, but don’t seem to be getting that all-important second-date callback? Whatever the problem, don’t despair. Help is at hand.
Here are 5 helpful tips for disabled dating:
1 – Don’t make your relationship all about your disability.
The barriers of internet dating far outweigh the barriers that will face people in the ‘regular’ dating community. There are things you can’t do, places you can’t go, interests you can’t explore…
There are already limitations put on your relationships because of your disability, so why would you highlight them even further and make your disability the one thing that governs your entire dating life, or future relationships?
Come to terms with your disability, learn how to live with it, and then look at how you can fit your disability in around your dating, not the other way around.
2 – Ensure you can laugh at yourself.
Being ‘different’ from other people is hard work sometimes, but the one thing that will always see you through is a jolly good sense of humour. You are going to have bad dates, but that’s because you’re dating, not because you are disabled.
Sadly, that’s just part of dating life – sometimes you need to take the rough with the smooth, and learn to laugh at those men and women that you can’t believe you just wasted a couple of hours on.
3 – Don’t take things too seriously.
So what if you don’t find love right away, you might make some really good friends out of it, and when you think about it, you’re still adding to your network, giving you more and more chances to meet that special someone.
Go on dates with men you wouldn’t normally go on dates with, and try a new dating approach entirely. Sometimes it pays to think outside the box, and if things haven’t been going well for you with your regular dating approach, perhaps it’s about time to looked at things a little differently?
4 – Be upfront about your disability.
It’s always tough to be upfront about the thing that makes you ‘differently-abled’ to other people, and you must be careful that you don’t attract any unwanted attraction (for example, a disability fetish!). However, you’ll often find that being open and honest about your disability will weed out the time-wasters straight away. Those that will read your profile will either choose to continue reading after they have found out about your disability, or they won’t.
Either way, you won’t know, and it won’t bother you.
5 – Don’t be afraid to use ‘regular’ dating sites.
Just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you can’t find love on a regular dating site, such as the one all your friends are using. Just be open and honest about your disability, and the same rules apply. People will either like you enough to carry on reading, or they won’t. However, all things considered, you may well have more dating success on a disabled dating sites like DisabledDatingClub.com which has been around for years and has loads of members.
Right boys and girls, if you’ve had no luck with your recent disabled dating attempts, its time to dust yourself off, get back into the ring, and try again. Just because you have had a few bad dates, doesn’t mean that you are knocked out of the match entirely, and sometimes it just pays to take a break, do some quiet reflection, and figure out what is going wrong.
Could you be meeting the wrong men?
Are you attracting the wrong women?
Are you finding that your disability is getting in the way too much, or that partners aren’t able to overcome it?
Whatever the reason, where there is a problem, there is always a solution, and here are the top 3 disabled dating tips that guarantee success to solve any issue:
1 – They always seem to become disinterested when they find out I have a disability, and I can’t seem to date them for longer than one, occasionally two, dates.
It’s not a nice situation but sadly, we live in a society where judgments are made all too quickly, and all too easily. Rather than wondering why the dates are running away when they find out you have a disability, try asking yourself why you’re not being entirely upfront about the disability in the first place?
Rather than waiting until the first date, or just before it, to drop the bombshell that you are differently-abled, be upfront about it in your internet dating profile page, or make sure you have a photo that shows you in a wheelchair, for example, if you use one.
At least the dates won’t waste your time, turning up for one or two dates, before brushing you off and moving onto someone new.
Seriously applicants only please!
2 – They say they are fine with my disability but whenever I meet new dates, we can’t seem to make it past week three or four!
Is there even the slightest chance that you could be going after the wrong kind of dates?
OK, think about this – if you are a 20-something girl in a wheelchair, that loves to munch out on junk food on Sundays with your loved one, lazing around on the couch, watching bad TV, what are you going to have in common with the 28 year old gym-freak, that hasn’t had a pizza in 6 years, or relaxed in front of the TV in months? He might be really hot, what you have nothing in common.
Maybe you’re just going after the wrong kind of man? Maybe you should try looking at men you wouldn’t normally date? You may find you have so much more in common!
3 – I can’t seem to find an appropriate date-type when I agree to meet a guy from the internet!
Admittedly, sometimes it’s hard having a disability and part of coming to terms with it is the understanding that sometimes, life may go a little differently for you.
The good news is that now, many places are more disability-friendly, making dating for the disabled a whole load easier, but another great tool at your disposal is the internet. You’ll be amazed at what new and fresh ideas will pop up when you Google something like “disabled-friendly date ideas in [your town]”
If you’re delving into dating for the first time after becoming disabled, or you just haven’t been single in a long time and aren’t sure how to do things anymore, don’t worry. You won’t be destined to spend your life single and alone. You won’t be on the shelf getting dusty forever. You just need to take a minute, breathe, and then make a plan.
One of the best practices for any dating, not just disability dating, is to work out what you want and what you are looking for before you even begin to think about signing up to any internet dating websites.
Are you looking for love? What kind of love? A few-months? Or a lifetime? Do you want a one-night stand, or are you genuinely on the hunt for someone to marry, settle down with, and have kids with, hopefully to carry on happily ever after?
It’s not fair for you to sign up without any clue what you are looking for because not only will you be wasting your own time, you’ll be wasting the time of any dates you get talking to. What’s the point in going after the one-night-stand guy, if you’re looking for someone to fall in love with, and have never particularly enjoyed casual sex anyway? Think about it. Be realistic.
Second best practice for disability dating – just be open about your disability. Sometimes it will get embarrassing, and occasionally, you won’t be able to do things that other couples can do, but that’s just fine. Laugh it off. Develop a sense of humour about your love life as you do about anything else in life, and become a better person because of it.
Negativity isn’t sexy. Neither is wallowing in self pity.
The third and final best practice for disability dating – don’t be an idiot. Don’t think that you deserve better (or worse) treatment just because you are differently-abled, and don’t expect your date to be a mind-reader either. That hot guy that you met last night may have stumbled over his words and said some really stupid things about the fact you were in a wheelchair, or stumbled with your walking stick and bumped into another table, but he’s not necessarily a jerk. He could just be intrigued. Don’t jump to the wrong conclusions – wouldn’t you rather he talked about it and asked questions (regardless of how stupid or inappropriate) than disregarded you entirely just because of it?
If you have things that need to be said, or you don’t like what he just asked you, be open about it. You’ll be amazed at how much of a powerful aphrodisiac real honesty is, and although there are likely to be some bumps in this disability dating road, at least what you’ll have, even if it is just friendship, will be based on honesty and truth rather than something faked or covered up.